What a gloriously sunshiny morning this is! Thank you, Father, for such a beautiful new beginning. My Dearheart, it has been a week since I last wrote. Time is so fleeting. I haven’t blogged; Instead, I journaled copiously over the weekend. I couldn’t blog. My emotions were too raw – too personal to share with the world. Just you. I only wanted to share them with you.
On this gorgeous Ash Wednesday of 2016, I come back to center. I come back to my foundation in you, as I reflect and think of everything that was on my “to do” list gone awry. “The best laid plans of mice and men,” as my hubby likes to say. You know better. You know what’s best. That’s all that matters.
I have so much to say. I want to spend the entire day just chatting with you. The time spent at your feet always seems like mere seconds. It’s the best! I look so forward to Heaven and dining with you in my reserved place at your table. Hmm. I wonder who has the seat on either side of me? Who will be seated across from me? What a divine time we shall have, rejoicing together in your presence!
So, beauty for ashes is the phrase that has been whirling around in my head for awhile, leading up to the commencement of this lenten season. “Touch of grace, beauty for ashes. Joy for a sorrowful place. Love everlasting has filled my heart, all from your touch of grace!” These are words to a song sung many times in a former church. Anyone reading this blog will undoubtedly find many song lyrics here. Music moves me. Your Holy Spirit ministers so much to me through the words of anointed songs. It’s intriguing
to me, how music is so powerful and impacts each of us so uniquely. My husband, who is a musician, pays no attention to the words. He is all about the beat! That befuddles me. But that is the mystery of how you designed each of us to respond to you. I can accept that!
Back to the happenings of the past week. I guess I should blog at least an idea of what you orchestrated. My prior post last week opened up such a can of worms. My spirit has been churning ever since. Big impact took place. I want to remember, in a big way, this situation and revelation, thereby purposefully, intentionally walking out and creating a new pattern. Ha. I am the long sentence girl. Woot! But seriously, this needs to sink in. It is a big deal. Please, Daddy, don’t allow this to be a missed opportunity for growth and healing for my entire family. Why do I say “entire family”? Because I am well aware of the way “I” impact my whole family, like it or not. Such pressure, to hold the emotional barometer for the home. But “I got this”, because you’ve “got” me! Thank you, immensely.
I prayed hard, sat with you, sought counsel and dismantled this baby. You showed me this:
Appropriate conflict resolution, or healthy communication in general, was not modeled to me.
I attack out of both woundedness and survivalism.
I am like a raging, rabid wolf when this dynamic operates – ouch!
This pattern is not unique to me; it is generational.
We worked through this together and you have forgiven me. I won’t allow the enemy to set me up like this anymore! Thank you, Jesus for your redeeming this area of my life and beginning the healing process for my family. Already, I have begun to walk out a new pattern by confessing to my husband and asking for his forgiveness. The silver linings you give me are so glorious! My sweet daughter is also sharing in this, as she watches to see if my apology to her is genuine. I trust, Lord, that you will continue your faithfulness as you hold my hand while walking this out.
With gratitude for the ashes that you are replacing with an extraordinary beauty ~ W